Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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