Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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