how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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