My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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