i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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