Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
