i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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