that's an acceptable place to lick
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
