The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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