you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
