At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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