If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize