cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My balls are so social today.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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