I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize