I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
