I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
