I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
