and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
