Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize