I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
