I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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