Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize