my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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