Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
