I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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