Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my shit smells like andre
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
