If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
