dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize