When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
