cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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