i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
