My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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