apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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