im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm like, not good at living.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
