Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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