nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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