Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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