Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
