Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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