I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
