so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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