My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
