You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize