Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
