She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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