I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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