Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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