never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just high enough for therapy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
