WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
