is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
