Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
