Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
