I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
COCAINE IS GR8
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
