Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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