tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
