If that was your dad, he is hot
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
