I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
