I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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