just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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