Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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