I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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