I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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