did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
