You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
