Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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