i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
