the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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