Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize