Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
