A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
