did you get engaged???
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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