so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
