i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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