who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
only you would photoshop your dick
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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