i don't like sucking hair
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
