mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
