I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize