Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
