You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
