smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
