I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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