ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
