I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to align my fucking chakras
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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