Umm I'm too high to move.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
