No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
