This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my shit smells like andre
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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