Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
